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Updated: Apr 13, 2020

Imagine if 10 years ago you were approached by a time traveler and he was like, "Look, I don't have much time to explain, but all I can tell you is that the year 2020 is going to be an absolute gong show. You know Donald Trump, the star of The Apprentice? Well he's the President of the United States and at the beginning of 2020 he gets into a Twitter spat with Iran that almost starts World War 3. Australia catches on fire and a woman tries to save it by selling pictures of her breasts. Kobe Bryant dies in a helicopter crash; half the world is devasted, the other half just makes stupid memes. Then some dude in China eats a raw bat and starts a global pandemic that specifically kills maw maws and paw paws. Everyone loses their minds. 40% of the population thinks it's the end of the world, another 40% thinks it's all fake, and 20% blames the whole thing on cell phone towers and pedophiles. The one thing everyone seems to agree on is that the only way to survive is by hoarding toilet paper. Grocery stores are ransacked and Charmin Ultra Soft essentially replaces the dollar as the official U.S. currency. As hysteria grows, world governments are forced to shut the entire planet down and lock everyone in their houses and the only person that can keep the people from completely flipping out and starting a huge riot is a gay, gun toting Oklahoma man with 180 pet tigers... I'd be like, "Here's a dollar now get away from me, freak!" -Author Unknown


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