There are 2 kinds of dogs in the world: dogs I like, and dogs I don’t like. Most dogs fit in the “dogs I don’t like” category. There’s no real reason why I don’t like these dogs; I just don’t. I like to run up to them like I am the happiest dog in the world to see another fellow canine, I like to then sniff their bums, then I like to snap at them and act like a total jerk. Sometimes I bark at them, other times I just snarl. I like to show them I am the dominant dog, even if they are 8 times bigger than I am. Mom calls me a “jerk” and another word I am not allowed to say out loud, but really, I prefer to call myself “unique.”
I also do this with people. Again, there are 2 kinds of people in the world: people I like, and people I don’t like. Literally every single person in the world except my grandma and grandpa fit into the latter category. I don’t like any single person in this world except my grandma and grandpa. I bark at every person who comes within 400 metres to me. Sometimes I switch things up and growl at them, but most of the time I just bark uncontrollably. Mom hates it, the people I bark at hate it, really everyone hates it. Except me. And I am the only one who matters.
Let’s talk about my grandma and grandpa some more. I love them. I wish I lived with them. They give me cuddles, and they pet me like they love me, and they give me delicious treats. They take me for so many more walks than the hell hole I live in on a regular basis. My grandma and grandpa treat me the way I DESERVE to be treated: like a king. Sometimes I like to hide in their house when my Mom and Dad leave so I don’t have to go with them. But, alas, they always find me and I am forced to go “home”. I stare fondly off into the distance, remembering the good times I had with my grandparents.
Just another chapter in my horrible, miserable life.
Please send help.