Dear Lifelines:
I am happily married, but I just can’t seem to do anything to please my wife right now. I make sure I buy her flowers every week, but it just isn’t enough. What more can I do?!
Signed,
Desperate to impress
Dear Desperate:
What’s really amazing about people is that everyone is so individual in what they appreciate and need from their mate. While some people need gifts and words of acknowledgement, others appreciate when you do tasks for them or spend quality time with them. When you are able to meet your partner’s needs in those particular departments, the marriage train runs a lot more smoothly. The trick is to find out what her actual needs are.
A really wonderful book that would make a great Valentine’s gift this year is the book entitled, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman. In this book there is a short quiz to help determine what your preferred ‘love languages’ are. Perhaps it’s physical touch that your wife is craving and you could send her flowers and gifts until the cows come home and she will not feel satisfied. The belief is that once you discover each other’s ‘love language’ you can anticipate your partner’s needs and create more of a supportive and loving environment for each other. No sense wasting your time and money purchasing things that never come out of the jewellery box if all she really wants is 15 minutes of quality time and your undivided attention at the end of the day. You never know, just throwing a load of laundry into the washer might be just the ticket to make your woman swoon. How challenging is that going to be for you?
Play around with your approach and see what happens! Have fun with it. Hopefully it will end up being a win-win situation for both of you. Good luck!
Sincerely,
Lifelines
“Giving without any thought of receiving is compassion in action, the most powerful and unconditional act of generosity.” Debbie Shapiro