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Have you noticed that there is now a day for everything? Some of them I understand. Mother’s Day – Father’s day. When you are responsible for keeping another human being alive and ensuring they don’t grow up to be an arse you deserve a day. Earth Day? Home to 7.5 billion people, the most of which seem to treat you as a trash receptacle. You can have a day. Save the Eagles Day (Jan 10th) I can get behind that – eagles are cool, so is the band. But really, do we need a National Oysters Rockefeller Day?

I am allergic to shellfish so maybe that’s why I don’t understand. Are oysters Rockefeller really, really hard to make? Does the recipe involve some exotic spice that can only be harvested on the third full moon of the new year after a rain of 50 mm or more? Are oysters especially dangerous to harvest that oyster farmers risk life and limb to collect them? Why, why do they get a day?

Who else gets a day? Rubber ducks. January 13th, go ahead and google it. I’ll wait. Yes, rubber duckie you are the one – you make bath timey so much fun but really who besides Ernie and the Sesame Street gang needs an entire day to celebrate rubber ducks. Also celebrated on January 13th is National Clean Off Your Desk Day. I tend to celebrate cleaning off my desk on Fridays but apparently the really big celebration takes part in January. I wonder if I need to send out an invitation to my co-workers and bring in a cake? Or am I limited to National Cake day for that?

May 7th World Cake Day and in the US and Canada we prove our love of cake by celebrating National Cake day in November. So yeah – two days a year to celebrate cake. But not cupcakes! Don’t celebrate cupcakes on May 7th or November 26th. You’d be wrong – no they don’t want to share their day so celebrate cupcakes on February 24th. Oh, and cheesecake, that’s a summer event - July 30th. Fruit cake of course has its day after Christmas on the 27th of December. Angel food cake – October and if you prefer chocolate cake we are back to January. Sponge cake is August although I admit I’m not really sure what a sponge cake is. I am beyond confused. I no longer know if I can have my cake and eat it too, or will I be somehow upsetting the world order by eating the wrong cake on the wrong day?

Maybe I should just skip the cake… Pie is good. National Pie Day is January 23rd, unless it’s pumpkin – that’s actually Christmas day. Lemon Meringue – August 15th. Apple, cherry, rhubarb, coconut cream and pecan? They all have their days too.

This is stupid. No, it can’t be. National Stupid Day isn’t today – it’s the last Friday in September. Ahh! So frustrating. But I can’t scream in frustration until October when International Moment of Frustration Scream Day is celebrated. Oh, for F sake! Seriously, October 4th? We need a day for this? I feel like every day is this. Mark it in your calendars, everyone. October 4th. National F Off Day.

What ever happened to just celebrating our birthdays and calling that day our cake day? When did we get to the point that everything under the sun needed it’s own day? April 17th - National Everything Day.

While celebrating my birthday is not as big a deal as it was when I was a child, I’m not thrilled with sharing the day with National Waffle Day and National Peach Pie Day. How did I forget about peach pie? Does this mean I have peach pie instead of cake?

You know what? I am declaring today NATIONAL STOP MAKING UP STUPID NATIONAL DAYS DAY! Unless the boss is willing to pay time-and-a-half, I think we should just celebrate what makes us happy and if that means celebrating rubber ducks or waffles or earth day or Lord help us, National Ballpoint Pen day followed by National Pop Goes the Weasel day, then celebrate. Celebrate in the moment and don’t wait for a special day, because despite the absurdity of it all, we aren’t guaranteed to make it to tomorrow let alone National Leave a Zucchini on Your Neighbour Porch day.